I have a really bad habit. It’s putting myself last. Some very good friends of mine gently pointed that out to me recently, and honestly it caused a mini-breakdown. It’s hard to hear things like that about yourself, and let’s face it: Truth Hurts.
See, before I had kids, I’d get pedicures, and manicures, I’d get my hair done at a nice salon. I bought and wore nice clothing. I did my hair and make-up every day. I didn’t leave the house unless I looked and felt great.
Now, not so much. While right now, I can’t wear jeans, or anything with a zipper or button, because of my hernia, that should be taken care of in a month, and I need to get the rest of me together. I’ve recently lost 57 pounds, and that makes me feel fucking great about myself. It’s given me the motivation to lose even more weight – ideally 40-50 pounds. I don’t care so much about the numbers on the scale, or the size, but how I feel about myself. I want to FEEL good. I don’t want to be a size 2, because that’s not realistic for my age. I want to set a good example for my girls, and be healthy. I want to give them a good self image through my actions.
So, project JEN is about me. I’m going to start being selfish – just a bit. I’m going to join a gym. I’m going to try to dress as nice as I can, I’m going to do my hair, feet, nails and make-up. I realize some of you may think this is all superficial shit, but to me it’s important.
I’m also going to talk to my Dr about a new anti-depressant. I don’t feel as well as I should, and I’m not afraid to admit that I need help. Self honesty is not a weakness, but a strength.
I won’t even delve into the disaster of day 1, because I’ve already moved on. Let’s just say that orange hair ain’t pretty on me.