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A Nervous Wreck

July 30, 2007

Last week we took Pia for her 2 month well baby appt. She weighs 12lbs, 4ozs and is 24″ long.

Her Ped was palpating her tummy and said that her liver is enlarged. We had to go for bloodwork on Thursday. I’m playing the waiting game. We hope to hear something today. I’m calling after lunch.

I’ve been a nervous wreck for almost a week now. The very thought of there being something wrong with my sweet baby girl terrifies me. It’s almost too much to handle.

People keep telling me that they are sure it’s nothing – easy to say when it’s not your child. I know they mean well, and are trying to help, but it almost belittles my fear, you know? Like I’m worrying for nothing, making more of it than I should.

She’s MY daughter. I’m allowed to be scared. I’m allowed to lay awake at night, wondering if we’re at the beginning of a long, scary road. Wondering if her getting her blood drawn was the first of many. Wondering what the fuck I would do if she died. I don’t know that I could handle that.

Maybe I am just torturing myself. I guess it’s my right as a mom.

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