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A Controversial Topic

March 28, 2007

This woman was on Oprah a while ago. I *think* I’ve discussed some of her beliefs before. I don’t agree with everything she says, but I think she has some valid points.

http://www.oprah.com/tows/booksseen/200504/tows_book_20050420_kmose_b.jhtml

I know that my mom loves my dad more than she loves my sister and I. I don’t feel at all cheated by that. I’m proud that they are still together, still very much in love after all this time. I wouldn’t want my mom to place me above my dad. That would be a whole lot of pressure on me – if I was the source of her happiness.

I’m very deeply in love with McHusband. I’m not in love with my daughter. I don’t even think the two can be compared, because it’s so different. I will state that my daughter is not the center of my world – I am. I have to be. If I lose myself in motherhood, or being a wife, what am I teaching my daughter? I want her to be strong, independent, happy, self assured. I want to teach her that by example. I want to show her love through the love McHusband and I have for one another. Our marriage has to be strong – only then will we be the best parents possible. He is my rock, my best friend, my lover, and my soul mate. He knows things about me that my children never will. He knows me in a way my children never will. He will be there when my children are gone.

I always say that I am a woman first, then a wife, then a mother.

If someone were holding a gun to my daughters head, and said I would have to chose between her and McHusband, I’d pick myself. I wouldn’t want to live without either one of them.

I *personally* think a lot of women place too much on their children. To make your child the center of your world is putting too much on them, giving them too much responsibility. It’s really not fair to them. You think you’re doing the right thing by placing them above all else, but I think you’re setting them up for failure.

There is a huge difference in loving someone and being IN LOVE with someone. To me, being in love goes hand in hand with romantic feelings, physical attraction, etc. It’s the love between partners, not between and parent and a child.

I think there are quite a few women that feel the same way, but are afraid to say so, in light of the way society portrays a “good” mother. In their eyes, I will never be a good mother. But, I can sleep at night (after a hot, sweaty round of sex with McHusband) with a clear conscience and a happy daughter.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Jodi permalink
    March 28, 2007 11:31 pm

    I totally agree w/ you. And I remember agreeing with her when she was on Oprah. Too many women love their children to the detriment of their husbands, and then they divorce and who wins? You and your husband should be the center of your family, b/c you are.

  2. Life As I Know It permalink
    March 29, 2007 1:12 am

    I posted on BBC, but will comment here too. I pretty much agree with her, although I don’t think it is fair to say she loves someone *more* than someone else.
    The best thing we are doing for our kids is having a great marriage.
    Great topic!

  3. Anonymous permalink
    April 2, 2007 3:31 am

    I totally agree with you. You have a fantastic frank way of expressing your opinions that is very refreshing. Love it!
    Mrs. Mac (from prg.org)

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