I’m scared of losing this baby.
I know it’s something every woman feels.
I know that many women never have a miscarriage.
I’m not letting it control my life, but it is back there, in my mind most times.
I wonder why there is fear now. There wasn’t very much when I was pregnant with Poopy.
Booger has me freaking.
Is it because I have a lot more information now? I was blissfully ignorant my first pregnancy. I figured you got two lines, got cute and big, baby came out. I didn’t realize just how much could go wrong. Knowledge is dangerous.
Maybe I feel like I already have one healthy, beautiful little girl. Why do I deserve another? Especially since my sister didn’t get to take hers home.
Maybe it’s Keiran. Maybe I now know what it is to let go of someone you never wanted to let go of. Maybe I now realize just how unfair life is sometimes and none of us are immune.
Maybe it’s that I now fully realize what a miracle having a child is. I realize what a gift a baby is. How much can go wrong.
Whatever it is, I’m scared. I want this booger