If I’m strong enough to be her Mother.
If I’m good enough to be the Mother she deserves.
Why I can’t have more patience with her.
Why loving her hurts me so much sometimes.
Why being a Mom is so damn hard.
If I’m doing the right thing – daily.
I’ve never been the type to second guess myself. I follow my gut. Now, I constantly second guess myself. I lay awake at night, wondering if I was too hard on her, too easy on her, if I spent enough time stimulating her, playing with her.
Mothering a defiant, head-strong toddler is not for the weak. It’s the hardest damn thing I’ve ever done. It’s the most painful thing I’ve ever done. She hurts me sometimes, and I should know better. I get so frustrated when she doesn’t listen. I swear that I say “no” 1,000 times a day.
When I do get angry with her, and discipline her – it breaks my heart. I feel like she’s beating me down some days. Testing my strength or my love for her. Being her Mom is wearing me out.