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Wonder

August 31, 2006

I Wonder………….

If I’m strong enough to be her Mother.

If I’m good enough to be the Mother she deserves.

Why I can’t have more patience with her.

Why loving her hurts me so much sometimes.

Why being a Mom is so damn hard.

If I’m doing the right thing – daily.

I’ve never been the type to second guess myself. I follow my gut. Now, I constantly second guess myself. I lay awake at night, wondering if I was too hard on her, too easy on her, if I spent enough time stimulating her, playing with her.

Mothering a defiant, head-strong toddler is not for the weak. It’s the hardest damn thing I’ve ever done. It’s the most painful thing I’ve ever done. She hurts me sometimes, and I should know better. I get so frustrated when she doesn’t listen. I swear that I say “no” 1,000 times a day.

When I do get angry with her, and discipline her – it breaks my heart. I feel like she’s beating me down some days. Testing my strength or my love for her. Being her Mom is wearing me out.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. AmberP permalink
    August 31, 2006 5:44 pm

    I wonder all of these things very very often!!
    Don’t worry you aren’t alone. I always try to remember that I am just trying to do what I know is best- we learn as we go and unfortunately parenting doesn’t come with a manual. (Why is that!? How unfair!)

    Anyway, I think I got your blog off the Desperately Seeking Balance board. Would you mind me adding it to my links? Let me know!

  2. Jennifer permalink
    August 31, 2006 6:06 pm

    Of course you can add my page to your links! Thanks for the comment.

  3. Jess permalink
    September 1, 2006 1:28 pm

    It’s sad Jen I never knew a 3 year old and a 1 year old could bring me to my knees but they do. Being a mommy is the hardest job but comes with many rewards. You keep doing what you are doing she will thank you some day!
    Jess

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