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June Cleaver I’m Not

August 4, 2006

I feel there is so much pressure from society, our friends and ourselves over the type of mother you should be.

You see it everywhere. Commercials, billboards, Target in-store ads.

It’s all about how great this kid is and isn’t it wonderful to be a mother?

In a word, no.

It’s not wonderful.

It has it’s days, don’t get me wrong. But there is so much heartache, guilt, pressure, pain involved. How can something that hurts so much be wonderful?

I love my daughter beyond all reason. I would die for her. I wouldn’t trade my life now for anything. But being a mom isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It’s not for the faint of heart.

It’s funny how mom’s feel the need to justify themselves, reassure the outside world that this whole thing is fantastic.

There was a question asked on my birth board last week. Someone asked what everyone missed from their life bc (before children). Several mom’s answered – but so many qualified that they would never trade their children for their life bc. I had assumed everyone knew that – we were just dreaming, weren’t we? Why do we feel the need to constantly reassure others that we’re supermom?

No one is supermom. There is no such thing.

People don’t talk about PPD because that means something’s wrong, right? You’re not the hero you are now expected to be daily.

People don’t talk about not instantly bonding with their children. Some will simply lie – because they don’t want to be judged.

When I write this blog, I fear that people are judging me. Why should I care? I’ve never given a shit what people think about me. Why did I start?

Because we have this idea of what a mother should be. We have outside influences telling us that something is wrong with you if you don’t bond with your baby instantly, or breastfeed, or have PPD and don’t like your child. It’s wrong if your son or daughter is not the center of your world. Why is it wrong? I don’t think it is. It’s different – but how different really? If people are keeping all of these feelings to themselves, can we ever really know what is true? Should we feel alone and alienated?

I do, a lot of the time. I don’t love my daughter any less than a mom who breastfeeds or co-sleeps, or thinks the moon of her children.

I’m just different.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Anonymous permalink
    August 5, 2006 8:17 pm

    I just wanted to tell you I read your post and I feel for you. I don’t know why people don’t get mothers themselves who have had trying times also judge and expect you to be perfect.

    Keep your head up high, you are doing the hardest job in the world and not being rewarded the way you should be. Congratulations to you, you are an even better person for admiting your flaws. Take pride in yourself and the bundle of joy you have.

    Ang

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