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Mommy is Only Human

July 28, 2006

There are days I really struggle with my identity. I have so many roles that it’s hard to fill all of them to the best of my ability every day.

I always say that I am a woman first. I have to know myself, love myself, take care of myself or how will I fill all the other roles. So many mom’s lose their identity in motherhood. You get so wrapped up in being a mom that you aren’t a person anymore. You’re mom. For some this works. It’s not for me. If I’m not happy, ain’t no one happy. If I don’t take time for myself, keep in touch with what I want, and need I’m worthless to my family. Some might see that as selfish…………….I see it as sane.

Family is next. Within family there are several caterorgies. I place my marriage above motherhood. Now before everyone chokes on their spaghetti, I’ll give you my reasoning. What kind of parents are we if we aren’t in love? What kind of parents are we if our communication sucks? or we are fighting? we aren’t on the same page? our marriage is failing? I truly believe that a strong foundation makes for a happy child. We have to focus on each other – that’s not exclusive to taking care of our daughter. My husband will be by my side for the rest of my life. When my kids are grown and out of the house, it will be just the two of us. If we’ve lost each other over the years, where does that leave us? I want to be the old couple holding hands at IHOP in 30 years. I want to be my parents. Deeply in love, long after the kids are gone. I’m probably in the minority on this one. Most place their kids first, which is fine (if that’s how you do things) – but remember, don’t judge me for the choices I make.

Motherhood is hard on most days, a nightmare on others. I hear mom’s say, “I feel so bad, I let little Bobby watch 10 minutes of Blue’s Clues this morning while I had coffee”. If that makes for a bad mom, call CPS on me. There are days that I wish she would sit still long enough to watch TV. There are days I wish she would nap longer. There are days I simply can’t read Where’s Spot? or Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear one more time. I try to stimulate my daughter, teach her things. Some days I’m better at it than others. Sometimes I plop her butt in the computer room with a toy so I can play on the internet. Sometimes I let her play with my candles even though she isn’t supposed to because it keeps her occupied for 10 minutes. I’m not always a great mom. I yell, sigh, curse under my breath. Does that make me a bad mom? Nope, I believe it makes me human. I’m not perfect. I don’t want to be. I hate my “great mom” moments – and all the others are “good mom” moments because if you love your kid, and try your hardest (most of the time) you’re never a “bad mom”. You can’t always be great at something – ever.

I’m only human.

I’m a woman, wife and mommy.

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