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Mommy Friends

July 26, 2006

When I was pregnant, people would tell me that it would be hard to maintain friendships with those that are not moms. I didn’t put much thought into this. Didn’t believe it one way or another. It wasn’t that I thought my friendships were so strong they could withstand anything, it was more that I thought whatever was going to happen was going to happen.

It’s hard to maintain your friendships with your old friends. You are changing and they aren’t right now. It doesn’t make either one of you right or wrong. Life gets in the way sometimes.

I so often hear and see mom’s berating other mom’s for their decisions. This breaks my heart. Being a mom is like being a member of a cool club. You brought life into this world – something a man can never do. We should come together, lift each other up, celebrate what we have accomplished. Sadly, so many mom’s today feel that their way is the only way. If someone chooses to do something different, it’s wrong. They will go as far to say that you are harming your child. With all that you feel as a mother, that is the last thing you need. I think that all mothers should respect one another – regardless of their parenting styles, choices. Another mother is the only person on earth that can truly relate to what I go through every single day.

One of my best friends got pregnant a few weeks after I did. We did things totally different from day one. She breastfed, co-slept, stayed home. We were polar opposites on the mom scale. Never once did either of us judge the other. I just accepted her decisions as what was best for her and her son and she did the same for me. We talked about things, asked for advice, though we didn’t always agree – we never fought.

I have a group of friends. The only thing we really have in common is the fact that we are all mom’s. We are similar in some aspects, completely different in others. Some of us work, some stay home. We come from different backgrounds – different religions, different parenting styles, different financial status. Some of us are married, some aren’t. Some have several children, some only one. We talk every single day. We talk about the weather, our husbands, our families, our decisions, our struggles. We talk about sex, or lack there of. We talk about our bodies, our insecurities. We laugh together, cry together, support each other. Do we always agree? NOPE. But, we never fight. We have never even met. But, we love each other. I love them all – their children, their families. I worry about them at night, wait for test results, or calls on a loved one. We worry if we don’t hear from someone for a few days. The thing that keeps us together, and separates us from so many other mom’s is respect. I respect them, they respect me. No one pushes anyone else to do things their way. Often, the subject of our children don’t even come up. That might be our common bond, but it’s not what keeps us together.

No one can understand a mom like another mom. Your worry begin the day you get that positive pregnancy test. It builds from there. No one loves like a mom, worries like a mom, sleeps like a mom, eats like a mom, laughs like a mom, feels guilt like a mom, is tired like a mom. So yes, it is hard to maintain friendships with non-mom’s. And, it’s just as hard to maintain friendships with other mom’s. Smile and realize that even if you don’t agree, they are still members of the most amazing club on earth and if for nothing else, respect them for that.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Jamie permalink
    July 27, 2006 12:32 am

    I’m glad that Lola is gone. She is a bitch. You are better off.

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