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Sex During and After Pregnancy

July 20, 2006

Should be outlawed. As if we don’t have enough going on, we’re actually expected to put out. As if.

Pre-pregnancy we had a fantastic sex life. It’s no wonder I got knocked up on the pill. We were doin’ it like bunnies it was bound to happen.

First trimester sex is HOT. Seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever been so horny. I couldn’t get enough. Good thing, because the next few months were a serious drought. It was like we were bears and I was giving him enough lovin’ to store up for the long winter ahead.

With my huge belly, ‘roids, gas, boobs like a porn star – I didn’t feel like putting out. Pretty quickly there reaches a point where traditional positions don’t work – except for doggie style (you show me a woman that wants a man behind her with ‘roids, ass crack stretch marks and gas like a man and I’ll show you a liar). Nothing felt sexy to me about being pregnant. I was so tired, exhausted really that it was the absolute furthest thing from my mind. Plus, with my bladder being so tiny, half the time I was afraid that I would leak on him.

One could say that a good woman would at least give blow jobs or hand jobs while pregnant. Apparently, if that’s the case – I’m not a good woman. I figure he had lots of practicing pulling the pud (don’t they start that when they are like 13??) that he could make do. With the vomiting, I wasn’t putting that thing in my mouth and with the carpal tunnel, I wasn’t “helping” him out. He was flying solo and if he dared to bitch about it, I don’t know that he would have ever heard the end of it. Luckily, he’s one smart cookie and he kept his mouth shut.

The Dr. gave me the go-ahead at my 6 week post delivery appt. I told Abel that I needed more time. At this point, he probably had carpal tunnel as well, but he knew better than to say anything. When I was (finally) ready to get it on, I found myself nervous. More nervous than when I lost it the first time. I wasn’t afraid I was going to be bad or anything (hell, I KNOW I’m good!) – I was so self conscious about my body. I still looked pregnant, I had a scar – so I wasn’t well “kept” down south, I had stretch marks everywhere, my once porn star looking boobs were now tube socks with an orange in the bottom of it.

The one thing that I didn’t expect was pain. I hadn’t had a vaginal delivery, so why in hell would it hurt? Who knows!! But it did. It burn like I imagine a UTI would while peeing. The first few times I didn’t enjoy myself much, but it was quick, since it had been so long!

My sex drive isn’t what it used to be. I know it will get better with time and the more I come out of my depression. Luckily Abel loves me and doesn’t bitch about the lack of sex. And you know what? He still thinks I’m sexy.

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