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Telling the parents……..unwed and pregnant

July 18, 2006

My parents were the type that stressed no sex before marriage. They told me that sex should be shared with someone you love, not someone you like. At the time I lost my virginity, I thought it was love………….but I should have realized that someone that took it in the front seat of my car didn’t “love” me back. Looking back, I can’t regret that I didn’t “save” myself, but there is a part of me that wishes Abel had been my first. How exciting to share something so incredibly special with someone you love and that loves you right back? No regrets though.

The call to my Mom took place the day after I found out. It was a Wednesday and I was at work. I had been crying on and off all day long. I was still in shock. I did have the presence of mind to call and schedule an appt for a “real” pregnancy test with my OB/Gyn. The OB never had shit to do with me in the past, and now I needed one. CRAP.

I tried to wait as long as I could, but honestly I was terrified of her reaction. I decided that the stress was going to kill me, if she wasn’t, so I grabbed my cell phone and headed outside to make THE CALL. Her reaction was shock, then excitement. She was so ready to be a Grandma!! She didn’t care that I wasn’t married, she wanted and Grandbaby. I told her how nervous I was to tell Dad. She offered to do it for me, but I decided that it was something I had to do on my own. I was so terrified to let him down. My Dad and I have always been really close, what would this do to our relationship? Would he lose respect for me? Would he be angry? Only one way to find out.

I told him that something had happened, and he said “did you not pay your car payment?” – my parents had co-signed on my car, so he thought I screwed up his credit! I took a deep breath and told him I was pregnant.


Then, “okay” – and just like that, I knew everything was going to be okay. I knew that if things didn’t work out for Abel and I, my parents were going to support me no matter what. I think that deep inside, I always knew it – but I think that the two lines reverted me back to being a child, needing my parents approval. Thinking about it, it’s not really the two lines. I’ve always needed my parents support and approval and when the chips are down, they always give it.

I don’t care who you are, when you hear someone is pregnant, and not married, you judge, even just a little. I still do it, I can’t help myself. People would tell me it’s no big deal, but it was to me. Abel broached the subject of marriage, but I shot it down. We hadn’t been talking about marriage before I got knocked up, why would we now? That is one of the worst reasons on the planet to get married. I wasn’t budging.

My parents are still together. Does anyone know how good it feels to say that? How proud I am of them? They don’t have the “perfect” marriage (sorry, there is no such thing) – but they love eachother, respect eachother still. I wasn’t settling for less than that. My Dad loves my Mom beyond all reason. I wasn’t settling for less than that.

When you’re 8 months pregnant, walking down the street, I swear every single old lady looks at your left hand, to see if your married. If there is no ring on the finger, you get a look of disdain. I felt shamed to be honest. I was knocked up. Unwed and pregnant. Why would he buy the cow, when he got the milk (and plenty of it) for free?

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