Beautiful Like Me – Self Image
Ok, this week the question we are looking to answer is “Does how we look at ourselves effect how the next generation (your kids, grandkids, stepkids, friends kids, etc.) looks at themselves? Why or Why not?”. I started and stopped this post 100 times. I wrote, erased and wrote again because I couldn’t get a good handle on my feelings on this, and I stray hopelessly from topics.
My answer? Absolutely! How I view myself very much comes through how I act, how I take care of myself and how I feel – which translates into my children on many levels. If I’m unhappy with myself, it shows and kids are very perceptive. I’m very careful not to make negative comments about myself in front of my kids, because I don’t want them to think that they are any less than perfect, their own version of perfect. If they see me examining my cellulite in the mirror, I can guarantee they will be doing the same in short order. Nana is already noticing ways that she differs to me, and I make a point to reinforce that different does not equal bad. Your children want to BE you, so if you hate part of your body, they will too, and think this is normal and acceptable.
Now, all that is good in theory, but in practice, it’s a lot harder. I’m not a fix-my-hair-wear-make-up-daily person. I stay home, and just don’t make it a priority. Is that a mistake? I’m just not sure. On one hand, it’s teaching them beauty does not equal products. I know when I do put forth the effort, my kids get all excited and tell me how pretty I am. Have I done something wrong here? Is it wrong that they think I look nicer with make-up on? Have I done something inadvertantly to encourage this? Maybe when I ask McHusband how I look? Am I planting the evil looks-are-so-important-seed? I’m afraid I might have, so now it’s time to pull some weeds. This is why I joined in this project. My biggest, most important goal in life is to raise good, kind, smart, happy people. Part of being happy and kind is loving yourself. But, do I love myself enough to teach my kids properly?
I think if a parents wants their child to have a healthy body image, the parent has to live it themselves. Our children do as we do, not as we say. So, if you don’t love yourself, look in the mirror and try to find small things that you do love, and focus on those. Everyone has something to love, and let’s make sure our kids figure out how to find and embrace them! And maybe teach ourselves to do the same in the process. I’m already learning here.
Make sure you check out the hosts of this project! Tricia at Shout!, Amy at Five Flower Mom, WickedStepMom. And join us in teaching children that beauty is on the inside.
Great questions, Jen. I’ve been asking myself some of the same ones and trying to get a better handle on what I’m teaching my son about body image, and hopefully also help him see women in different terms than what our media prescribes as beautiful. There seems to be a lot of us asking these questions, and we all seem to be aware of the messages our kids are getting sometimes in side our homes and from external forces, but then I wonder how many people out there just really don’t care and that’s why teenage eating disorders are on the rise, etc. Thanks for your great thoughts, and for taking time to post
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Thanks so much for posting! I too rewrote my post several times. It is hard for the reasons you mentioned, all we want to do is be good parents but it seems the ‘game and rules’ are continuously changing. And each child is different. How do we know what is best? I guess that is why I love reading posts like you and others have posted … to gather more information and learn more to help my children!
Great post! Thanks for joining us! It is so hard to always look in the mirror and think something good about ourselves. But, I think doing it most of the time is what is important. We all have an off day.
I have never really taken the time to read your blog, but now that I am on summer break…time is what I have. You have a knack for writing. On this post…I don’t know if any of us can do it “right”. I know I have a screwed up body image and have gone through all the ups and downs of “dieting”. I don’t even want to use that word in front of Isabella. I have to keep reminding myself that I am eating “healthy” and “exercising” to be a better, happier person. Never mind that the whole time I am praying that lbs. come off in the process. Inevitably our little girls go out into the world and hear all the what is “beautiful” messsages, and we have to hope that we have done enough to let them know that they are BEAUTIFUL just being them.